


Cooking Lesson

by GrindelwaldsArmy



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, Silent Protagonist, gender neutral reader, rated for some innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 06:17:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5118329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrindelwaldsArmy/pseuds/GrindelwaldsArmy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you can't handle the heat stay out of the kitchen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cooking Lesson

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a friend who has not yet finished the game. I hope you all enjoy it as much as she did.

Tonight was the night you had been waiting for, cooking lessons with Papyrus. You are filled with ANTICIPATION. This was your third lesson with the charismatic (not yet) royal guardsman. He has convinced himself he is teaching you, but in reality, you have been teaching him; though every time you just end up making spaghetti. You asked him why he always chose spaghetti instead of any other multitude of dishes and he only replied with a soft laugh.

nyeh heh heh… 

You think spaghetti is the only thing he actually knows how to cook. 

After your first and final date with the skeleton a few weeks prior, you had hoped Papyrus would come around and perhaps ask you on a second date. Despite his faults he is a very charismatic arrangement of bones. It doesn’t seem like he will return your feelings anytime soon, however, so you have settled on being his friend and hoping some spark comes from your cooking lessons. 

You live with him and Sans now, well, you live in their shed and occasionally sleep on their couch. The dog bed had been expanded into a real bed and the useless prison bars have been removed, so it isn’t too bad. You even have a space heater now, so life is good.

You approach his front door and knock a few times. You have a key, but knocking makes the appointment feel more official which makes Papyrus happy. The sound of heavy footsteps echoes behind the door, growing louder, until the door is flung open to reveal your skeletal crush.

“HUMAN! YOU HAVE ARRIVED! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WELCOME YOU TO MY HUMBLE ABODE! PLEASE COME IN!” 

You smile and cross the threshold. The house is the same as always, but Sans’ sock is on the desk next to his pet rock, neatly folded. Papyrus must have picked it up.

“I’D USUALLY MAKE SANS PICK UP HIS OWN SOCKS, BUT A DIRTY ENVIRONMENT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR COOKING LESSONS. SO I HAD TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ONCE AGAIN.”

You nod and move on to the kitchen. An assortment of pasta in all shapes and sizes lines the counter and the pot is already out and ready. The vegetables you need lie neatly beside the pasta boxes.

“FOR TONIGHT I HAVE PREPARED AN ASSORTMENT OF FUN AND COOL NOODLES TO TRY, THOUGH NONE CAN MATCH THE COOLNESS OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS.”

You choose the noodles with the most attractive shape, though none are as attractive as the boney man standing beside you. Before you can stop yourself, you stroke his pauldron. 

“ADMIRING THE CRAFTSMANSHIP OF MY BATTLE BODY, EH? IT IS MADE OF ONLY THE FINEST CARDBOARD AND PAPER MACHE MATERIALS IN SNOWDIN. CONTINUE TO ADMIRE IT IF YOU LIKE, JUST DON’T GET TOO ROUGH. I DON’T WANT TO DENT IT.” 

You pat the pauldron in a friendly gesture and try to hide your blush. Luckily Papyrus is busy unboxing the noodles and didn’t notice. 

“NOODLES FASCINATE ME. THEY START HARD, BUT THEN THEY GET SOFT. BONES ARE ALSO HARD, BUT THEY DO NOT GET SOFT WHEN THEY GET WET. AT LEAST I DON’T THINK THEY DO.”

Papyrus dumps all the noodles in the pot and lifts it into his tall sink. He always does this part because his sink is much too tall for you to reach. You tried once, but ended up with a pot on your head, noodles on the floor, and a mild concussion. As you watch Papyrus do his thing, your eyes wander down and you think about testing his theory about getting bones wet. You curse his tight, low cut, low hanging shorts. You can even see his hips. Scandalous. 

Soon he has finished filling the pot with water and places it on the stove. You know you’re supposed to boil the water before putting the noodles in, but you don’t have the heart to tell Papyrus. Not when he is looking at you with that excited and happy gaze of his. You turn on the flame, careful to only crank it up a tiny bit. These MTT brand stoves are very powerful, maybe a little too powerful to be safe.

“I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG TO PUT THEM IN MY MOUTH, BUT PATIENCE IS THE MARK OF A MASTER CHEF, AND I HAVE PATIENCE IN SPADES. NYEH HEH! WE CAN MAKE THE SAUCE WHILE WE WAIT.” 

You find the cutting board and place it on the counter beside the vegetables. Papyrus retrieves the knife. You would cut the veggies yourself, but Sans always pops into existence and watches you when you handle one, a grim expression on his face. Not wanting the older (?) brother’s interference, you decide to let Papyrus handle the knife, even though his cuts tend to be uneven more often than not. 

Papyrus picks up a tomato, it is vaguely heart shaped. 

“HEY! THIS ONE LOOKS LIKE YOUR SOUL.”

He cuts the tomato cleanly in half.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“NOT THAT I WANT TO CUT YOUR SOUL IN HALF OR ANYTHING.WE’RE FRIENDS AND AS YOUR FRIEND, I WOULD NEVER HARM YOU! NYEH HEH… HEH?”

Papyrus started to sweat. You place your hand over his and give him a patient smile. 

“HUMAN?! YOU… YOU’RE HOT!!!” 

You blush. So Papyrus finally reveals his ultimate feelings! You knew this day would come. The scent of burning… something fills the kitchen, but you don’t notice. You’re too enamored with your skeleton love. Suddenly he pulls you against his round chest plate and pats… your arm? It is at this point you realize that your sleeve has caught fire. Your elbow must have been resting a bit too close to the stove.

“HUMAN! WORRY NOT! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL RESCUE YOU FROM THIS INFERNO!”

He pats your arm some more, but this only causes his glove to catch fire. Alarmed he rushes to the sink to put it out, but knows he won’t be able to help both of you in time at his current pace. So he takes one of his battle bones and busts a pipe under the sink. It sprays both of you with water, putting out all fires in the kitchen, including the one heating the pasta. You quickly turn the stove off before the water causes an electrical fire. 

“…” 

He tries grinning to lighten the mood but it quickly falters. Your clothes are soaked through and your hair is a wet mess. You look defeated.

“HUMAN? I… I’M SORRY. ”

You look up at him and bite your lip. You had wanted this night to be perfect, but it just became a big mess. 

“HEY! DON’T BE SAD! AT LEAST NOW WE KNOW THAT BONES REALLY DO GET SOFT WHEN THEY’RE WET! NYEH HEH HEH! ANOTHER DECISIVE VICTORY FOR THE GREAT PAPYRUS AND HIS COOL HUMAN FRIEND!”

You stand in silence for a few moments and Papyrus’ goofy smile doesn’t leave his face. This fills you with DETERMINATION. You return his smile and laugh. He laughs too. Soon, the cooking lesson is forgotten and the two of you just stand there, holding each other and laughing. When you are done with this jovial moment the two of you clean up all the water.

“I’M SORRY YOUR COOKING LESSON DIDN’T TURN OUT AS EXPECTED, HUMAN, BUT NEXT TIME IT’LL BE PERFECT. THAT’S A PAPYRUS PROMISE! AND I NEVER BREAK A PROMISE, ESPECIALLY NOT TO FRIENDS AS GREAT AND COOL AS YOU! NYEH HEH!” 

It is in this moment you realize you don’t need to be dating Papyrus to share a special relationship with him. Being his friend was already the coolest thing you could think of, even if the rest of the underground has yet to be convinced. 

After you finished cleaning, the two of you relaxed on the couch for some MTT and chill. Tonight’s show was about proper hand washing technique, as was customary for Wednesday. Eventually you both fell asleep, just enjoying each other’s company.


End file.
